she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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