I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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