can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
