I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
