fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
