it wasn't lemon gatorade
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
