And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
