the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
