I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She said her name was "party"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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