I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
