Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
