You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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