Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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