"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
