And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
