the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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