your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
