Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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