He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
