thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
