And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
