So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
