She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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