That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
