you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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