i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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