are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So much rum. So many feels.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
