Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
