omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
