i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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