I skipped work to stalk him.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I AM VODKA MAN
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize