Ambien. No doubt about it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
