I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
