I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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