I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
