The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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