you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
