The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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