I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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