my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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