therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
