We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
