I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need moral support for this bender
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
