should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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