ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
