Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
