I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
