Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
