yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
