four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
