i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
