Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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