that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
