if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
