The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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