I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
