i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
