i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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