Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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