Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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