last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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