To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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