I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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