just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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