So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
