i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
