oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
