theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
