I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
