you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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