hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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