About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
