We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
