im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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