just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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